What an interesting morning I have awakened to. Just like last week in Ganta, there was no running water or electrical power in the place of my abode and the same is true here this morning.. It has rained hard all night now so it is unlike last week being quite cool in my room this morning.
I sit in bed listening to beautiful music played on my iPad (thanks to batteries) while I write on my computer with the hopes of being able to record this on my blog at some point today. (You are reading this, so I've obviously accomplished that. ha!) I have already, thanks again to the books on my iPad read some in Tim Keller’s King’s Cross. IN that I noticed points I could bring out with my students when I see them in the morning. LIke a mother, I find myself always thinking of ways I can touch the hearts of “my children” with truth.
No coffee or tea this morning; no early morning walk, or I don’t think so. It seems to have quit raining but if we don’t get water so I can take a shower to get ready for church, it might not be wise to go for that walk.
Reflections on the “now” make me turn my thoughts to the future, wondering how the “past” has affected who I really am.
I have now passed that mark on the calendar beyond half way through this particular venture in faith. I begin to ponder whether or not I believe there is anything in me that has profoundly changed so far. I have had enough experiences in Africa to recognize a pattern in these events. For a while I return to a world which has continued doing what it has known to do. Many that I love strive to love God more and serve Him more faithfully. “That world back home” has had different experiences with God than I have. I know a little of the type of struggles my friends have faced but have never walked in their shoes. On the other hand, my friends have for the most part not experienced the exposures to life that have touched me here, and from what they’ve heard, they’re glad they haven’t.
I “think” I know what they mean. Since my heart is in Africa, when I hear stories of people being touched by Asia, it’s as though the stories take me into overload. I can hardly deal with what is on my plate, much less let my life be touched with more intense pain associated with caring and not knowing how to manifest that care.
This time, because of the blog, I think that I’ve had more friends who have taken the time to enter into this world. Because “the doses” have been measured out in daily increments, they have seemed to feel like they absorb , and digest this better than in the past. I have been continuing to hear reports that Africa “might” be making a little more sense than in the past. If that is true, that will allow us to process these weeks together. I’d like that.
For truly, this task seems too big for me to do alone.. I say I want to be changed into the likeness of His Son, but am I really willing to embrace the pain, the self-denial when the temptations are so deep, so imbedded in my soul? How do I live life in THAT world with the proper eyes on the people in THIS world who have genuinely impacted me? How do I live, not in guilt, but in love? Even in this world, I get too many reminders that I have not left that heart of flesh that haunted me back home. Oh, how I wish I could say that I know and love God better here, but alas, it is not so. I struggle with self centeredness, with impulsiveness in my speech. I fight making myself “my savior”, trusting God only with the insurmountable, only to return to self reliance in “the little things.” Can anyone relate to my story?
Can we allow one another to know us and touch us deeply as we process how this path can be a vehicle for our transformation? That, this morning, is the prayer of my heart.
Now, I would STILL like to have a cup of coffee right now! Ah, I just turned on the lamp, and it works! Maybe there’s symbolism in that. I hope so!
No comments:
Post a Comment