Now this could be disastrous, sharing feelings that is, but I'm going to give it a "go". As most of you are figuring out by now, I am processing life through my fingers on this keyboard. So, please hold my "thoughts" loosely, knowing that I really do hope to soon share with you the "other side" of this valley. Yes, I'd say I feel like I'm in the valley today. Why do I cringe whenever a friend writes, "I'm so glad things are going so great?" Why do I look at others around here and compare my emotional adjustments and their seeing contentment? Why can't I practice what I "preach".
Yes, the past 2 days I spoke in chapel. I think God gave me the messages He wanted shared. The first one was basically what I had shared here about contentment and the other lessons from Mark 4 and Romans 4. Then yesterday I shared lots of what I've recently learned from John Piper's new book Think. (I HIGHLY recommend it!) The mind is a gift from God, a tool we are to use, and as we do, He gives the understanding. The mind can never lead us to being puffed up when we use it well because it's purpose is to help us find all the reasons for loving God and others more. It leads us to cherishing our Savior, not just as an exercise of the will, but with our emotions.
A minister at our church told me that when we have thoughts, emotions and actions lined up, that if we link two of them together then the third one will tag along. What I think that means is that if my thought life is right (which I do think I am thinking right for the most part), and I do right, then my emotions will tag along. Well, Lord, I'm waiting!
You guessed it; right now, I'm homesick. It comes in waves throughout most days! Some moments of the day (like usually when I feel inspired to write on this blog) I really AM fine! And later, I'll start counting days until I can come home. THEN I THINK, "I only want to be where God wants me. If I have God, I have all I need or want. I don't want to waste away my life by not living in the present. I do love my students, and I DO think what I'm doing is important."
But I'm tired! I get tired a lot. (and it's early morning as I write this) I think most people would call me a hard working woman, and yet I don't think I've ever worked any harder than I am here. The mounds of papers to grade, the intense listening I have to engage in, the questions I have to answer over and over, the adjustments to schedules, the task of staying organized, the work in preparing meals, bugs and bug bites are some of the daily struggles in which I reside.
Now, let me reread this and see whether or not I think I really should post it!
Signing off in love, appreciation and in prayer,
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